Navigating Holiday Stress: Understanding Sources and Effective Coping Strategies

The holiday season is usually considered a joyful time of year. Chock full of family, friends, and festivities, it’s easy to feel like a bit of a Scrooge when forced to admit that the holidays can also be a source of stress and fatigue. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. According to a survey conducted by Greenberg Research, Americans report substantially increased stress during the holiday season, and these results are pronounced among adult women. As the authors explain, “​​Women shoulder the majority of the family burden for shopping and holiday celebrations, and they feel particular stress from the time crunch required to get everything done.” 

While the sources of stress are many, we’ve done the work here to summarize four of the top holiday concerns noted by American women. Don’t stress, though: read on to the conclusion for five evidence-informed recommendations to help you effectively cope.

Sources of Holiday Stress

Money Concerns

Americans cite financial concerns as a significant source of stress year-round, and these concerns are only amplified during the holiday season. Between gift-giving, decoration-buying, and shelling out for celebrations, many people feel like their bank accounts (and credit cards) are stretched to the absolute limit between November and December. Money stress, in turn, can be compounded by a desire to meet family members’ expectations—more on this in a second.

The Hype

The commercial aspects of the holiday season tend to have a disproportionate impact on women. In order to meet everyone’s expectations for a joyful holiday season, women can find themselves in a rat race to cook, clean, shop, and entertain, even if they don’t have the financial, mental, and emotional resources to do so. In fact, a majority of American women feel that they have a responsibility to make everyone feel happy during the holidays, which is a considerable burden to bear, especially since there is often a big disconnect between expectation and reality!

Too Many Tasks and Not Enough Time

No matter the time of year, there are only 24 hours in each day. But somehow, on top of work responsibilities - and often school activities for families with children - Americans are expected to jam a million different tasks into those hours. And to be clear, those holiday-related tasks are primarily managed by women. While women may not recognize these tasks as stressful, the added workload and mental load can take a toll and make it difficult to relax and enjoy the relational and spiritual parts of the season. 

Family Dynamics During the Holidays

While the holidays are anticipated as a time for family togetherness, not all family dynamics are stress-free. Existing issues can be amplified during this time, increasing tension and strain. Navigating family dynamics can be challenging, especially when coupled with the overall stress of the season.

Evidence-Informed Coping Strategies for a Balanced Holiday Season

All is not lost, though. With a plan in place, it is possible to manage holiday stress effectively and to embrace the parts of the season that bring peace of mind and heart. Below are five strategies we often recommend to clients who want to manage their stress and anxiety during the holiday season and long afterward.

Exercise and Embrace Balanced Eating

For good and bad, the holidays tend to be marked by sedentary activities and overindulgence. Some of this is okay! But really, it’s only healthy if it’s taken in balance. Sugar, caffeine, fatty foods, and alcohol are associated with psychological symptoms like depression, lethargy, and anxiety. Try to balance your intake with fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and water. Going for a walk or otherwise moving your body can also mitigate stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Think Through Boundaries Ahead of Time

Since family dynamics are often amplified during the holiday season, anticipate potential challenges and plan how to navigate them. How will you respond if your parents criticize your spouse? What happens when your kids express disappointment with their gifts? Pre-set responses to common stressors can reduce anxiety and also give you the confidence to respond appropriately when family dynamics go sideways.

Lower Expectations

Recognize the importance of realistic expectations. Avoid the stress of unattainable goals by setting achievable expectations that align with your well-being and financial capacity. Remember, the distance between expectation and reality is often a source of significant stress and workload obligations, especially for women. It’s okay to have some expectations about how the holidays will unfold, but make sure they’re realistic and not built upon increased credit card debt or the collapse of your physical and mental health in January.

Delegate as Needed

Don’t be a martyr in your efforts to make everyone happy. Also, you won’t make everyone happy (see above), so don’t die trying. Once you lower expectations, ask other family members for help with the holiday tasks you most want to embrace. Including others in the responsibilities can lighten your load and create a more collaborative and enjoyable holiday experience and might even start some new holiday traditions.

Connect to Spiritual Practices

In addition to time with loved ones, Americans note that faith and spirituality are consistent highlights of the holiday season. Spiritual practices - in the form of religious services or meditation and prayer - can reduce anxiety and depression, stem the tide of commercialism, and offer a sense of peace and meaning. Make time for spiritual practice, even five minutes daily, to reap mental health benefits that will follow you into your celebrations. These practices can offer a sense of peace and provide a deeper meaning to the holiday season.

Coping with holiday stress requires proactive strategies and self-care, and it’s sometimes easier said than done. Are you interested in making a plan for this holiday season? Our therapists at White Rock Therapy are here to help. Contact our office for information about treatment for anxiety or request therapy today.

​​Attachment Trauma: How Childhood Trauma Can Shape Your Attachment Style As Told By A Trauma Therapist

Did you know that your attachment style was shaped by childhood experiences?

The attachment style that you form during this time affects how you view yourself and others. It can also impact your emotions and how you try to form relationships.

So, what happens when you have attachment wounds? Or when your attachment needs go unmet? This can be considered traumatic. It can change the way you relate to others and yourself.

Attachment Trauma

Attachment trauma is described as ruptures in the bonding process between a child and their caregiver. These ruptures can impact future relationships into adulthood. Attachment wounds and unmet attachment needs can be considered traumatic. And, trauma can leave a lasting impact on the way we attach to others in adulthood.

Trauma experienced in early childhood or even experienced later in life, can all have an impact on shaping someone's attachment style. So, trauma experienced in childhood can also cause the child to have an insecure attachment. For example, if a child experienced a chaotic upbringing or neglectful environment, they may learn that their needs will not be met. This can lead to children having a hard time trusting that their needs will be met. Or, that people are reliable.

This is Your Mind's Way of Coping

Since your attachment style affects the way you view yourself and the way you view others. It has direct impacts on your internal messages about yourself, your emotions, and how you try to achieve emotional and relational safety. Trauma can have a lasting effect on your attachment style. The effects trauma has on your attachment style may also impact the way you respond to trauma later in life.

Any type of traumatic event can lead to insecure attachment styles. This may include examples such as:

• Abuse

• Neglect

• Chaotic environments

• Unmet or inconsistently met needs

• Having caregivers who are consistently dysregulated

These insecure attachment styles include anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant (or disorganized) attachment styles.

The Different Insecure Attachment Styles

The three different insecure attachment styles are:

• Anxious

• Avoidant

• Anxious-avoidant (disorganized)

They all can be formed from different types of trauma experienced in childhood. But, just because you have experienced trauma does not mean you will have an insecure attachment style. It is possible to have a secure attachment style even if you experienced some form of trauma. There are also ways to heal from attachment trauma so that you can have a more secure attachment style.

Anxious Attachment

Someone who has an anxious attachment style has trouble trusting others. This could be displayed through them becoming dependent or clingy, even possessive, in their relationships. They might also be constantly seeking reassurance from others. Or, have a fear of abandonment. People with this attachment style might text or call their parents many times. Or, follow them places and question them over and over. It can be exhausting as they need continuous reassurance.

They can also tune in well to others' needs and easily notice a shift in others' emotions. For example, they might be quick to comfort someone who is crying. They want to feel close to others and have a strong desire for intimacy. But, their fear of abandonment can often get in the way of true intimacy as they might not fully trust their partner. This is because they have trouble trusting others. Yet, with support and therapy, people with an anxious attachment style can learn to trust themselves and others more.

The trust issues that come with anxious attachment are often due to early childhood experiences.

Childhood trauma that could cause an anxious attachment style includes neglect or living in a chaotic or scary environment. Inconsistent, unavailable, or rejecting caregivers can also lead to an anxious attachment style.

Now, if a person with this attachment style experienced trauma after the attachment style is formed, they would find it very difficult. They would find it difficult to trust themselves or others and have a negative self-image. They would become self-blaming in relationships, and/or become controlling in the relationship. This doesn't mean there isn't hope. But, it will need a lot of extra work to develop a more secure attachment style.

Avoidant Attachment

Someone who has an avoidant attachment style is prone to withdraw or disconnect from others. They tend to keep their distance from others. They see others as too dependent, which frightens them. Those with an avoidant attachment style have fear of loss. As a result, it is masked as independence. They also reduce their own needs for connection.

Their behavior might look like an unwillingness to commit to a relationship. Or, being too particular or picky about another’s habits, keeping secrets, and avoiding. They might even seem distant. For example, if you ask how their day was, they will answer with one word like "fine." People with this attachment style might also have trouble being emotionally available to others. They may also have an issue being emotionally intimate with others as they fear getting too close.

Much like the anxious attachment style, the avoidant attachment style is often due to early childhood experiences.

Trauma that could cause avoidant attachment includes neglect. This can explain why they fear getting too close to others. Or, why they feel they have to be so independent. This doesn't mean that they cannot learn to become more dependent on others. But, it will need a lot of extra work to develop a sense of trust and intimacy with others.

Because they have a fear of loss, if they experience trauma after their attachment style is formed, it could heighten their need for self-protection. They might become more isolated, dissociative, or angry with others. All in an attempt to keep themselves emotionally safe. This could mean that they will struggle to develop close, intimate relationships. Unless they seek to support and work on these issues.

Anxious-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment

For someone who has an anxious-avoidant attachment style (or disorganized attachment style), they face an internal battle of both anxious and avoidant tendencies. They desire closeness. But, once it's there, they become frightened or overwhelmed. Then they tend to push others away.

They want closeness, but it's also the thing that scares them the most. So, this can lead them into a cycle of nearness and distance. They may not even understand why. For example, they might pursue someone they are attracted to. But, once they get close, they become distant. Then they may repeat this cycle and not know why they are doing it.

The anxious-avoidant attachment style is often due to trauma that includes physical abuse, chaotic or scary environments, and/or inconsistent care. This can help explain why they are both attracted to and fearful of closeness. It can also help explain why they might have difficulty forming close, intimate relationships. They may fear getting close to others may result in them getting hurt, both emotionally and physically. Or, that the care/love they receive may be taken away.

What do Attachment Issues Look Like?

Attachment issues can look different for everyone and every attachment type. They often manifest in romantic relationships. But, it can show up in other types of relationships as well. Here are some examples:

• Difficulty engaging in intimacy

• Feeling guarded and distant in relationships

• Worried and unsettled regarding that same relationship

• Difficulty forming emotional bonds with others.

Attachment issues can be difficult to manage. But, if you're struggling with them, know that you're not alone. It is common for children who have been placed for adoption or foster care to have attachment issues. And, it is common for people who have experienced trauma to have attachment issues. Because of this, they have attachment wounds that play out in adulthood. They can be difficult to overcome. But, with time, patience, and support, it is possible to develop healthier attachment styles.

Ways to Heal from Attachment Trauma

It may seem difficult or impossible to heal from attachment trauma. Yet, it is possible. Here are some ways that you can work on healing your attachment wounds:

• Building safety with others, your environment

• Consistency in your schedule

• Seek out others with secure attachment styles to attune to

• Seek ways to repair ruptures

• Talk about your experiences with someone you trust

These are just a few ways that someone can begin to heal their attachment trauma. It is important to seek out professional help if you feel like you're struggling to cope. Attachment issues can be difficult to overcome alone. With a therapist's support, you can begin to develop a more secure attachment style.

How do I Create a More Secure Attachment Style?

Creating a secure attachment style may sound impossible and even feel impossible. But, with work and patience, it can be done. Here are some things that you can do to begin developing a more secure attachment style:

• Become aware of your triggers

• Understand your needs in relationships

• Be able to communicate your needs effectively

• Understand your partner's needs

• Learn more about your attachment wounds

• Reprocessing painful memories

• Giving a voice to your needs

These are only a few ways you can do work on your own and with your partner. You can practice these new skills but also heal the hurting parts of yourself. Through these new experiences, you can become more securely attached.

But, you need to understand your needs in relationships, so you can communicate them effectively. Just as it is also important to understand your partner's needs. This way you will be able to meet each other in the middle. This can be accomplished by improving communication, practicing emotional regulation, and learning more about their attachment style. Seeking a therapist to help support you in this process can be very beneficial. They can also help you figure out what baby steps you can make all on your own.

Begin Securing Your Attachment With A Trauma Therapist at White Rock Therapy in Dallas, TX

Securing attachment styles and processing the trauma that has happened in your life can be difficult. But, with the help of a trauma therapist, you can begin to understand your attachment style and needs. You can also begin to develop a more secure attachment style. White Rock Therapy is here to help you in this process. If you are ready to begin therapy for your attachment style and/or trauma:

• Submit a Contact Form on our website.

• Learn more about our team's therapy services and how they may benefit you.

• Learn about your needs in a relationship and what a therapist can do to help you.

Additional Services offered at White Rock Therapy

An insecure attachment style may not be the only thing you are struggling with. You may be struggling with the trauma that you've gone through. Or, you have anxiety from the constant worry that your needs won't be met. Here at White Rock Therapy, we offer a variety of in-person and online services to help you with whatever it is you may be struggling with. Other mental health services offered include EMDR, therapy intensives, grief counseling, and group therapy. We are also happy to offer sports counseling, therapy for dissociation, and support for families of addicts.

6 Things You Can Do to Manage Performance Pressure as an Athlete

In the world of sports, there is no shortage of pressure. As an athlete, you receive pressure from every place you look. Teammates and coaches need you to play or compete well and parents may expect constant achievement. There is also the added pressure coming from within yourself, striving to prove you are the best, keep your position, or earn a position on a new team. With pressure coming from all directions, there are undoubtedly negative effects on the psyche of an athlete.

When you are under immense anxiety, you might notice your performance decline. It also impacts you mentally, with the inability to focus, lack of confidence, or constant fear of failure.

With so much pressure coming from all directions, how could it be possible to stay calm, focused, and confident? Here are the 6 tips to manage performance pressure:

#1 Focus on your own ability, rather than the ability of your competitors.

It can feel natural to compare yourself to others. It is so easy, in fact, you might not notice how often you are thinking thoughts like “They’re so much faster than me” or “I wish I were as coordinated as her”. Becoming aware of these thoughts is vital. Once you have awareness, you can shift them and replace them with more positive thoughts like “I’ve practiced long and hard for this and I know I am ready.” Make your own athleticism about you, not about everyone else around you.

#2 Stay present.

Performance anxiety, like all forms of anxiety, are rooted in a fear of the future. You might be fearful of feeling embarrassed, losing a scholarship, or disappointing your parents. It could also be fear of losing status as the star athlete. Thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong while you are competing will surely feed your anxiety. Take a moment and bring yourself to the present moment. You can do this by using your senses. For example, notice 3 things you haven’t seen before, like the color of the opponent’s fan’s shirts or the details of your equipment. Use other senses as well, such as noticing sounds coming from a distance. Take your mind away from all the possible mishaps of the future. Remind yourself that in the moment you are strong and confident enough to handle one play at a time.

#3 Notice where the fear comes from.

Pressure is born from fear. Learn where your fear comes from. Are you scared about disappointing the people around you? Are you worried that if you do not get the scholarship you will never go to the school of your dreams? Are you concerned that if you are not the best, then your identity is wrecked? When you know where the fear stems from, you can start to challenge those thoughts and create new ones that are more conducive to your goal of being confident.

#4 Manage your expectations.

We all know this, but sometimes we need to ask ourselves if we really know this: We are not perfect and we should not expect perfection. Elite athletes often adopt a mentality that always pushes them to become better and better and better, striving to become as close to perfect as possible. Remind yourself that errorless games or meets are not realistic and reset your goals. Create challenging, yet attainable, goals that leave you feeling encouraged and confident, rather than disappointed and defeated.

#5 Use your own experience as evidence.

After you have played your sport for several years, you can recall many instances that you competed extremely well. When you start to doubt your ability, whether you are in a slump or have a coach that is constantly pointing out your errors, use your own accomplishments as proof you have capability. You have been training for years and you have taught your body to perform or play well. You can trust that.

#6 Use the anxiety to your advantage.

Anxiety is part of life. In some respects, it will always be there. You can learn to lower the anxiety levels and then use what is left to your advantage. Anxiety can serve as a reminder that something is important to you. It can get you in touch with the overwhelming joy of a big win. It can provide energy that you can put back into the sport. Anxiety can also help push you to keep striving towards your goals. Having a healthy balance of emotions is achievable and helpful.

Next Steps

Performance pressure and anxiety is extremely common amongst athletes of all ages. Managing it is not only possible, but essential. Protecting the mental health of an athlete is important for their individual wellbeing and for their performance. There are plenty of tools and strategies we can equip you with to combat the common pressures of playing a sport. You can reach us directly to get started with our therapist that specializes in working with athletes. Additionally, if you want to learn more about what type of therapy might be the best fit for you or if you have additional questions you can inquire more here.

Written by Kayla Bryant

One of the Invisible Causes for Veterans Developing PTSD

Back in 2015, National Geographic posted an article entitled, The Invisible War on the Brain. The article stated that the U.S. Department of Defense had identified 230,000 veterans with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) between the years of 2001 to 2014. The symptoms associated with the injury also resembled post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). During the time that the article was published, an old hypothesis that had been discredited was being thrown in once more. The hypothesis argued that exposure to blast events contributed to the injury of the brain and that it might also increase susceptibility to certain psychological disorders. This theory was raised once more after soldiers had recently returned from Afghanistan and Iraq where blast force was the primary source of injury. This had not been commonly seen before. Now, in 2019, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs states on their website that many of the symptoms associated with a TBI also overlap with common reactions after a trauma. This makes sense since a TBI is caused by trauma, thereby validating the hypothesis. Additionally, the VA states that many people who get a TBI also develop PTSD.

Some of these common symptoms can have a physical, cognitive and emotional component. Various physical ailments can include headaches, dizziness, feeling tired, difficulty sleeping, sensitivity to noise and light, and difficulty with vision. Cognitive symptoms may involve difficulty staying focused, acting without thinking, struggling with putting thoughts into words, and memory complications. Emotional symptoms can be exhibited in the form of anger outbursts, anxiety, depression and personality changes. This is why it is considered an invisible wound of war. The symptoms are not easily seen resulting in less empathy from family and friends.

Understanding what is happening is part of the recovery process. The VA is using a TBI screening tool that can be used as an initial aid in determining if you or someone you know is potentially suffering from a TBI. However, these screenings do not diagnose it. If the screen is positive, it only helps serve as an indicator for further assessment. Upon diagnosis, it is recommended that you get plenty of rest, resume responsibilities at your own pace and avoid drinking alcohol for a time. All of these recommendations are considered beneficial in helping the brain heal.

Additionally, the VA has stated that effective treatments for PTSD also work well for those who have suffered a mTBI (mild traumatic brain injury). White Rock Therapy specializes in working with PTSD. This is one of many resources that are available to you. You can contact us to get started in the process of treating your trauma symptoms. Learn more information about TBI and PTSD for veterans and access some helpful resources.